Michelle Ntalami: businesswoman extraordinaire, LGBTQ+ icon, and now…dial-up connection to God? Buckle up, because this story’s got more twists than a pretzel dipped in melted cheese.

Michelle, our queen of sass, recently revealed she took a digital detox to connect with the ultimate higher power – not the Wi-Fi admin, but the big guy upstairs. Apparently, her prayers weren’t getting “seen” on the ol’ spiritual timeline, so a divine intervention was needed.

Imagine the scene: Michelle’s on her knees, pleading for inner peace, when a bolt of light blinds her brighter than a follower count dropping after a controversial post. “Hold on,” booms a voice that could rival a lion on a bad mic day, “I see your request for peace. Have you tried turning yourself off and on again?”

Okay, maybe that’s not exactly how it went down, but let’s be honest, wouldn’t that be hilarious? Regardless, Michelle had a powerful encounter that left her feeling like she finally snagged the Wi-Fi password for life’s happiness.

Now, Michelle’s on a mission to spread the good word, like a social media influencer with a sponsorship deal with the Almighty. She’s traded sassy captions for scripture quotes, and her highlight reels are filled with inspirational messages instead of poolside selfies.

Here’s the thing, though: Michelle’s journey is a testament that faith can work wonders, but it doesn’t have to be all hymns and haloes. We can celebrate her newfound peace while picturing her internal struggle to replace “Yassss queen!” with “Amen, sister!”

So, let’s raise a virtual glass (filled with holy water, of course) to Michelle. May her signal with God stay strong, and may she continue to inspire us, even if her social media content gets a little preachy. After all, who wouldn’t want a little divine intervention in their lives, as long as it comes with better internet connection?